Diction Error

You've only just recovered from the 19th's puns and witticisms, and careening in comes this concoction. Forwarded by a friend, these terms have been drifting around the internet as words in which one letter has been added, subtracted or changed, triggering a bright new meaning:

• Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

• Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

• Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

• Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

• Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

• Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

• Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

• Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

• Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

• Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

36

'Happy Birthday' would not be the appropriate term to use for today's anniversary. 36 years ago today the Supreme Court of the United States decided to sweep past the laws of 46 States and legalize the termination of any pregnancy. An anniversary that means a lot less 'Happy Birthdays' to go around.

The year after the decision, the steps of the Supreme Court Building found 20,000 visitors who had marched through the streets of the Capitol to protest Roe v. Wade and call for equal rights for the unborn.

This year, with numbers continuing to swell annually, over 200,000 marchers are expected to unite in Washington D.C. today. From my own experience, the majority of the marchers are young adults and youth--all of whom would have been born after the Court's decision.

Born after the decision and born without many of their peers: one of the stunning things of the fallout of legalized abortion is sheer numbers. For years 1 out of every 3 pregnancies in the U.S. ended in abortion: that meant for every group of 20 kids, 10 wouldn't be there. In the late 70's-early 80's the number was almost 1 in 2; in recent years the number appears to be moving closer to 1 in 4, but some see that as due to the growing use of chemical abortifacients replacing surgical abortion.

49.5 million. Josef Stalin knew what he was talking about when he said: "One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic." We can't wrap our minds around the 49.5 million members of our own families who will never see the light of day. We also have no apprehension of abortion's effect on ourselves: 43% of women are estimated to have had an abortion by the time they are 45.

It's hard to imagine a society after ours looking back at us and attempting to gauge us from the outside. We naturally tend to caricaturize the slave owner: we can't picture a person who would own others like cattle as being anything but vicious. We spontaneously recognize the Nazis as monsters: we can't imagine coolly lining up others for annihilation without having completely twisted their own hearts. But we see ourselves as completely normal. Even though we've found convenience means it's much easier to say Equal Rights for Some. Even though we've found that the most vulnerable are exactly that: easy targets. Even though we've remained silent by choice, while the voiceless find they have no one to speak for them.

And no one who will sing them Happy Birthday.

Pointed Response

I stumbled upon Saint Sebastian's grave yesterday--for some reason I hadn't come across him till now. Buried out by the catacombs where the early Church laid to rest so many of her early martyrs, Saint Sebastian holds the distinction of having been martyred twice.

A Roman soldier whose own nation couldn't accept his conviction, Sebastian's comrades followed the orders to restrain him and shoot him full of arrows. Sustaining the multiple injuries, he was discovered by Irene, a believer who had come to bury him, but instead nursed him back to health. Rather than taking advantage of his fortuitous escape, Sebastian then presented himself to the Emperor Diocletian, who the second time around had him beaten to death.

His body shared the same resting place as thousands of his fellow Christians who also had remained firm in their faith. The catacombs today, lengthy underground networks, point to the seed, buried in the darkness, that bears much fruit.

Today, January 20th, is his feastday--over 1,700 years later, we still turn to his witness for the same courage.

Warning: Bridge Out Ahead

A friend inflicted these on me, so I congenially pass them on as well:

• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island . . . but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

• The rubber band pistol confiscated from algebra class? A weapon of math disruption.

• Remember, no matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

• So the dog gave birth to puppies near the road . . . and was cited for littering.
  

• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France? Linoleum Blownapart.

• Two silk worms had a race. Ended up in a tie.

• Atheism: the non-prophet organization.

• And then there were the two hats hanging on a rack in the hallway. One said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on ahead.'

• Sign on the lawn at the drug rehab center: Keep off the Grass.

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother asked how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'

• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray: now a seasoned veteran.

• Happily though, when the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

January 18th! Don't touch that dial.

Sunday took on a new glow when President Bush declared January 18th National Sanctity of Human Life Day. His proclamation included the following: "On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law . . . History tells us that with a cause rooted in our deepest principles and appealing to the best instincts of our citizens, we will prevail."

Peace on Earth

You've been following the events in the Gaza Strip in these last few days, I'm sure. Perhaps as well, depending on the sources you turn to, you've seen that the entire world is at prayer for peace. Epiphany, which marked the coming of the nations to the Prince of Peace, saw Pope Benedict again reaffirming that hatred will not resolve this conflict. One of the most moving prayers of these days was written by a Rabbi in Jerusalem, Levi Weiman-Kelman, entitled A Jew's prayer for the children of Gaza. Here are a few lines:

O Lord,

Bless these children, and keep them from harm.

Turn Your face toward them, O Lord. Show them, as if for the first time, light and kindness, and overwhelming graciousness.

Look up at them, O Lord. Let them see your face.

And, as if for the first time, grant them peace.