Warning: Bridge Out Ahead

A friend inflicted these on me, so I congenially pass them on as well:

• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island . . . but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

• The rubber band pistol confiscated from algebra class? A weapon of math disruption.

• Remember, no matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

• So the dog gave birth to puppies near the road . . . and was cited for littering.
  

• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France? Linoleum Blownapart.

• Two silk worms had a race. Ended up in a tie.

• Atheism: the non-prophet organization.

• And then there were the two hats hanging on a rack in the hallway. One said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on ahead.'

• Sign on the lawn at the drug rehab center: Keep off the Grass.

• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother asked how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'

• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray: now a seasoned veteran.

• Happily though, when the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.